Marital Mediation

Understanding Marital Mediation

Marital mediation — also known as mediation to stay married — is a relatively
new application of mediation. It originated from the experience of many
divorce mediators who saw a small but significant proportion of clients
actually reconcile by the end of the mediation process rather than go
through with their divorce.

Though distinct from divorce mediation and couples counseling,
marital mediation combines elements of both. It departs from the
more introspective, long-term, and analytical approach of psycho-
therapy or counseling, favoring instead the practical, short-term,
problem-solving orientation of mediation.

Marital mediation is also less concerned with the past. It rarely delves
into deep psychological or personal issues. Rather, its emphasis is
on identifying areas of conflict, balancing power, surfacing hidden
interests, breaking through impasse, improving communication, and
developing creative solutions that may have worked well for other
couples in similar situations.

When spouses wish, marital mediation may conclude with a Memorandum
of Understanding — a document that records the terms of agreement
between the spouses. In particular circumstances, these terms can take
the form of a legally binding post-nuptial agreement, typically with involvement of a legal advisor for each spouse.

Whereas for some couples marital mediation is an alternative to counseling or individual psychotherapy, other couples adopt all three as complementary processes. Regardless, it’s important to recognize that even when a marital mediator is also a trained therapist, he/she isn’t acting as such while in the role of mediator. In this way, a mediation session would not be a suitable venue for, say, the treatment of depression, grief, addiction, or anxiety disorders.

Choosing Marital Mediation

People choose marital mediation for a variety of reasons. One spouse may simply refuse couples counseling, perhaps fearing intrusiveness, exposure, or censure for being the cause of the marital difficulties. Other times, repeated efforts at couples counseling have failed, leaving both spouses in search of a fresh approach to help save their marriage.

Similarly, people reject divorce for a variety reasons. You may want to protect your children, your business, and other assets from the impact of divorce. You may fear loneliness or financial hardship post-separation. You may seek recognition for contrib­utions (monetary and other) made to the marriage. You may need to rebuild trust after an infidelity. And you may (appropriately) sense that to end the relation­ship in order to marry someone else would only bring new problems — the relational challenges of step-children, the ghosts of ex-spouses, and so on.

To further explore how marital mediation may help renew your relationship, please contact one of our mediators. Alternatively, schedule a telephone or in-person consultation.

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